Equine Therapy and Me

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English: Equestrian centre at Camnant This is ...

English: Equestrian centre at Camnant This is Camnant, a centre for riding, walking and wildlife that also specialises in equine therapy. Camnant featured on BBC TV in 2007 focusing on its treatment of horses with physical and/or mental problems. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

I originally set up this blog to document my journey back into the world of horses. It still is but with a difference. Due to my mental health difficulties, of which I am not ashamed, I’ve decided to find a form of therapy that involves horses.

Equine Therapy.

I’ve tried getting back into working with them but I’m just not up to it. So, rather than totally give up, I would like to regain any lost confidence that I have by using them as a form of therapy, help and support. My confidence has been shattered with horses as well as with the world in general. For me, I believe that this is the only way to go if I ever hope to get any happiness or peace in my life.

I am going through a mental crisis at the moment. Self-harming and stronger suicidal thoughts are included in that. I don’t have that many crisis’s; I’ve tended to work through them or something has come along to drag me back out of them. It’s scary believing that you are not valued as a person by those that should matter. The thought that people are thinking “what the hell are you existing for?” is heart-breaking for me.

I’m a sensitive soul, really, deep down, and I never wish any ill on anyone. But, it seems, that that reasoning is not directed towards me. Apparently, I’m manipulative, a dramatist, a liar and cold-hearted. Something I honestly aspire to, naturally :P . It’s hard knowing that what you used to do as a career, you can no longer do, because you have been damaged psychologically beyond repair. Horses were and are my life and I believe they can help me a lot with my problems.

Now, the next step begins…a search for Equine Therapy.

Incidentally, I’ve learnt my lesson, so no mention will be made of the therapy service will be made by name. Horses will not be mentioned by name but only by characteristics. Any riding I do, will be more about me and how I get on and NOT about the horses, the instructors or the workers involved.

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Password Protection and Mental Health

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Severe Mental Illness

Severe Mental Illness (Photo credit: homelesshub)

Yep, It’s seems I have bogged up…again…My life is one catalogue of endless bog-ups.

From now, some of my posts may be posted as private or password protected.

I don’t know if I will ever give out the password to anyone. We’ll see.

My lack of savvy has created a very difficult situation for me in my personal life and I’ve learnt a huge lesson. It’s funny but I never thought I would ever get caught out by posting something I shouldn’t.

I’ve never done it; it’s not in my nature to do so. I mean, to do so would mean I would hurt someone and it’s something I don’t do intentionally.

I could blame it on my mental health problems (which have gotten worse) but that would be wrong. It’s not down to that; it’s just a desperate need to find support and help with all aspects of my life. Am I doing the wrong thing? Was I wrong to let something go? Should I explain more about my condition or my difficulties?

I have no proof that I’ve done anything wrong and I could be just paranoid but it does seem likely that something was read on this blog and it was taken the wrong way.

To the lovely person, I think I may have upset, I truly apologise for my stupid and unprofessional behaviour. It was never meant to hurt.

On another note: I’m not well at all. Self harming is back in force.

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Do lots of equestrians have mental illness?

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Thank God for Mental IllnessThis one of the search queries that drew visitors to my blog (this blog).

My blog is the top 3 entries in Google for that search term.

Should I be worried, impressed or proud?

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Ban Horse Slaughter in the UK – The Petition Site

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English: Thoroughbred racing at Churchill Down...

English: Thoroughbred racing at Churchill Downs. Français : Cheval pur sang galopant dans le champ de courses de Churchill Downs à Louisville, dans le Kentuky (USA). (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Unwanted horses, severely injured horses, pregnant mares, racehorses with broken bones; they all end up at the knackers yard, here in the UK and Ireland. It’s about time horse slaughter houses were banned for good!

In 2012, 9,400 horses were slaughtered in Britain, up from 5,100 in 2009

That is 9,400 too many!

Ban Horse Slaughter in the UK – The Petition Site.

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Learning to Ride? Learning to Stay on!

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A young rider at a horse show in Australia

A young rider at a horse show in Australia (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

I can’t remember how old I was when I first started to love horses. I’ve no idea even how the passion started. I don’t remember reading about them or even watching them on T.V.

My first ride was on holiday, when I was 8 or 9, on a pony that was owned by a camp-site owner’s daughter. They found out I loved horses and offered to lead me around the field. I walked and trotted and was even offered the chance to canter. Woah! I wanted to and said yes, several times, but then at the last minute changed my mind.

My next chance on a horse was at another riding school during school time. I was in the fourth year at school so would have been 14/15. The class was huge. Way too big for the one instructor to deal with so we were told to wait in a line and wait for our turn over a jump. I rode a couple of times after that at this school when I was on a pre-nursing course(at college). I realised that nursing wasn’t for me (my phobia of vomiting saw to that) and I asked that if I could go to the riding school instead as this was the direction I wanted my career to go in. To be quite honest, what with my experiences of horses and riding up until I left school I’m surprised that it didn’t put me off. I even wrote to a horse magazine for advice on how to stop my pony (Hattan) ‘pulling my leg’. In one lesson, he took me all the way down to the bottom of the field and back again and I couldn’t do a thing about it. The instructor gave me another pony (Amy) to ride who was much quieter.

My next ride was in a riding school in Stroud, where I lived. It was a set of 6 riding lessons given to me on my birthday when I was 16. I wasn’t taught how to ride then at all. One lesson that stuck in my mind, was in the school outside. I was asked to halt my horse (massive, he was!) I knew how to stop but didn’t know that I had to release the pressure on the reins. Poor horse! The teacher didn’t say anything at all! The horse kicked out and bolted around the school to catch up with others. I’ve no idea how I stayed on. One rider told me that the horse had galloped around the school.

At the same riding school we went out on a hack. My pony must have been a school master because I really shouldn’t have been off the lead rein. Anyway, we came to a gap in the trees and my pony just stopped. I couldn’t get it to move at all and I watched the rest of the ride trundle on out of sight. Did I say anything? Nope! Too timid and shy. All I could do was to wait until they came back again. Luckily, they returned the same way they came. Again, a very negligent instructor for not noticing she had lost a rider. Anyway, she told me off for not saying anything and gave me a stick to use on the pony. I didn’t need it then. Too little, too late.

After my lessons had finished I never went back there again. I’ve no idea if they’re still running but heaven help everyone who ever rode and worked there.

Update: Oh my word! The Camp is still there! This is the stables that I went to whilst I was at school and at college.

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